“My face is covered in tears after Jeff’s loving, healing meditations. So much deep grief, sorrow, longing, fear, anxiety, all come to the surface now, all held in life’s arms…”

“During the live session I think I felt safe, truly safe, for the first time in my life. Safe in my nervous system, safe in my feelings, safe in my body, safe in my own mind…”

Jeff Foster’s Membership Community 
with LIVE Meditations, Teachings, Talks, & Q&A

Join author, poet and spiritual teacher Jeff Foster in his supportive, rest-full, heart-felt and humour-filled monthly membership on living in deep surrender to the present moment and facing life’s pains, joys, traumas and uncertainties with courage, faith, and compassion.

True meditation is about being tender yet brave. It’s about slowing down. It’s about saying YES to our gorgeous, broken, tender human hearts, YES to our imperfections and doubts, YES to our pain and sorrow and joy, YES to our imperfect bodies, YES to ourselves, exactly as we are right now.

Authentic spirituality is not about escaping to some higher or superhuman dimension, but being more present, awake and alive to the pain and joy, the ache and the glory, the tragedy and the comedy of this One precious human life…”

Jeff Foster

A heartfelt personal invitation to my new online sanctuary…

Beloved Soul,

In 2020, after nearly fifteen years of traveling the world teaching Presence, self-compassion and spiritual awakening, I fell seriously ill with neurological Lyme disease. As many of you know, I very nearly died.

It was the most humbling, intense, scary, and ultimately transformational experience of my life.

I was asked to meet myself more completely than ever before, ‘lean in’ to a storm of suffering, and find a deeper surrender to life than I ever thought possible. It was ultimately a death and rebirth process, a breakdown and breakthrough that ended up deepening my compassion for humanity, enhancing my understanding of suffering, pain, chronic illness and trauma… and ultimately strengthening my connection to the Divine. 

I am humbled and grateful beyond words for my recovery, and I have been feeling a growing urge to share new layers of insight, revelations and reflections with you all.  

My new membership site is an online sanctuary where you can meet yourself deeply, drop into the loving and supportive presence of fellow travelers from all over the world, explore your deepest feelings, laugh and cry, rest, meditate, feel deeply and heal with me and the community. It’s a safe and loving space where we can all meet life, moment by moment, with tenderness and bravery. 

It is a sanctuary for the weary seeker in you, for the exhausted part, the sad part, the frightened part, the part that sometimes feels far away from the abundance of life. 

It is a place where you are invited to discover stillness and peace underneath all the noise of the world. Where your anxiety, shame, imperfections and failures are not seen as blocks or faults of yours, but beautiful parts of you longing for acceptance and rest.

Week by week, month by month, and throughout the year, you will hear of not only my own personal journey, but distilled insights from my working with thousands of people in retreats and private sessions for 15 years, helping them discover deeper levels of trust, healing and self-acceptance.

Through simple, friendly, restful, guided live meditations that cut to the root of suffering, honest talks, personal stories of my own struggle and journey of healing from chronic shame, suicidal depression and illness, original heartfelt prose and poetry, and through exploring your deepest questions, you’ll be guided into a place of deep inner rest, silence and peace … and we’ll bust some outdated myths about healing and spiritual awakening along the way!

Each month we will focus on a different theme:

  • November: The mindful warrior – understanding trauma as a portal to the sacred
  • December: Spiritual awakening, here and now – I’ll share what most spiritual teachers won’t tell you! 😉
  • January: Manifesting from presence, and the incredible power of gratitude.

Join me LIVE, from the comfort of your own home, and let’s rest together, and breathe together, and meditate together, and grieve together, and rejoice together, and return home to our place of true safety and sanctuary – the present moment. 

I look forward to connecting with you, wherever you are. 

With love and deep appreciation,

Jeff Foster

Author of The Way of Rest and You Were Never Broken: Poems to Save Your Life

P.S. When you sign up you’ll receive a few free gifts from me! You’ll get access to my new exclusive digital program, A Mindful Warrior Of Presence: Meditations To Bring You Home, containing 12 powerful, soothing and ever-deepening meditations (6 hours of content!). Plus you’ll get access to a 50-page book of rest-filled and encouraging prose and poetry called Contemplations for Deep Rest, and a 25 minute video on Working With Worry and Anxiety. These are all yours to keep, even if you decide to leave the membership. From my heart to yours, no strings attached. 

P.P.S. I’ve designed this membership so you can join me from anywhere in the world, and connect with my teachings – and each other – any time of day or night. If you miss any of my live broadcasts you will receive a full set of recordings (video, audio, and text) to experience at your own convenience. The membership comes with a full money-back guarantee so you can try it and if you don’t like it, we’ll give you a full refund. 

…or keep scrolling to find out more…

Your tiredness has dignity to it. Your exhaustion is sacred. There is no shame in admitting that you cannot go on. You have been on a long journey from the stars. Even the courageous need to rest…”

Jeff Foster

Your Online Place and Community for Rest, Recovery, and Renewal

After receiving amazing feedback for his online courses Ending The Inner War and The Deep Rest Course, Jeff Foster wants to lead you now through an ongoing journey of deep reflection, meditation, revelation… and a good handful of British humour!

Jeff is a survivor of chronic shame, physical illness and suicidal depression, so he understands what it’s like to suffer.

He discovered that in the midst of darkness, there is always an inextinguishable Light, an unbreakable Presence that loves us and says YES to us, exactly as we are, including all of our imperfections, flaws, doubts and perceived “failures”.

Jeff makes meditation, and spirituality itself, simple, joyful, human – and humorous! – again.

His meditations and teachings are suitable for beginners, and for every age and ability and background.

Whether you are new to meditation, or you’ve been meditating for decades and feel stuck – or even bored – in your practice, Jeff will offers a fresh, authentic, contemporary perspective.

This is Jeff’s first solo membership site, and we hope you can join him and many other people from around the world in a loving and nourishing online community.

Your Online Place and Community for Rest, Recovery, and Renewal

After receiving amazing feedback on his online courses Ending The Inner War and The Deep Rest Course, Jeff Foster wants to lead you now through an ongoing journey of deep reflection, meditation, revelation… and a good handful of British humour!

Jeff is a survivor of chronic shame, physical illness and suicidal depression, so he understands what it’s like to suffer.

He discovered that in the midst of darkness, there is always an inextinguishable Light, an unbreakable Presence that love us and says YES to us, exactly as we are, including all of our imperfections, flaws, doubts and perceived “failures”.

Jeff makes meditation, and spirituality itself, simple, joyful, human – and humorous! – again.

His meditations and teachings are suitable for beginners, and for every age and ability and background.

Whether you are new to meditation, or you’ve been meditating for decades and feel stuck – or even bored – in your practice, Jeff will offers a fresh, authentic, contemporary perspective.

This is Jeff’s first solo membership site, and we hope you can join him and many other people from around the world in a loving and nourishing online community.

“Foster writes from the gut, and his authenticity is off the charts.”

– Esquire Magazine

OUR THEMES FOR THE COMING MONTHS

NOVEMBER 2022

THE MINDFUL WARRIOR:
TRAUMA AS A PORTAL TO THE SACRED

Jeff talks about finding the light in the darkest places. And how we can touch into something Unbreakable, right at the heart of our brokenness. How our trauma can bring us closer to our true, indestructible selves. And how we can keep going, even when we feel exhausted and afraid.

  • The importance of going slowly into our painful and hurt places.
  • Meeting our most difficult bodily feelings and sensations with courage and curiosity
  • The myths and paradoxes of healing: It’s not a destination, a place to get to. It’s right here, right now. And yet, it seems to take time.
  • Saying “yes” to the mess of the moment.
  • Finding the courage to keep going when we feel despondent and full of doubt
  • The lie of positivity and the shadow side of the “high vibe” culture
  • Working with cravings and urges – facing our addictive nature, moment by moment
  • Learning to tolerate discomfort and intensity one moment at a time

DECEMBER

SPIRITUAL AWAKENING, HERE AND NOW: WHAT MOST SPIRITUAL TEACHERS WON’T TELL YOU

Spiritual enlightenment is not a destination, but an ever-present reality. Jeff busts common myths of spirituality, and explains why so many spiritual paths leave us feeling unfulfilled and incomplete. He teaches a very human spirituality, where our imperfections are sacred, and our doubts are never “blocks”.

  • The true meaning of “letting go “- letting go is not what you think it is!
  • Fears of the Unknown: Becoming more comfortable with not knowing, uncertainty and doubt
  • The awakening “process” – honest talks about the ups and downs, pitfalls and myths of spiritual awakening
  • Why you aren’t ‘enlightened’ yet – exposing misunderstandings about spiritual enlightenment
  • Discovering the source of stillness within you  – an ever-present ocean of peace and stability, no matter what happens in the external world
  • The “I Am”, the unchanging principle of Being

JANUARY

MANIFESTING FROM PRESENCE: THE POWER OF GRATITUDE

What is true abundance? Jeff shares the Law of Attraction from a non-dual perspective, and talks about how we can find true abundance, that sense of ‘completeness’, whatever is happening in our lives.

  • You Can Only Get “There” by Being More Profoundly Here. The paradox of dreaming of the future… while surrendering into the present.
  • How creativity emerges from not knowing, stillness and ‘non-doing’
  • Zen mind, beginner’s mind: The willingness to be a beginner
  • How certainty and dogma block creativity – how we can come out of the mind and into true abundance
  • “One step at a time” – being patient, slowing down, being grateful for where we are.
  • The power of gratitude.

FEBRUARY

HEALING SHAME: SAYING “YES” TO LIFE AND EMBRACING VULNERABILITY

Underneath nearly all of our suffering, spiritual seeking and our search for self-improvement, lies a primordial sense that we are “not good enough”, that there is “something wrong” with us. Jeff invites us to lean into our deepest wounds, slowly, gently, and with courage. In our most vulnerable places we may find new strength, creativity, hope… and connection with spirit.

  • Softening the mind; being present with the negative “self-talk” in our heads

  • Cultivating a loving relationship with our failures, imperfections, mistakes

  • Turning towards our vulnerability and saying “yes” to the difficulties of life

  • Why our sensitivity, awkwardness and imperfections are deeply sacred

  • Why “working on myself” doesn’t always work; the healing power of surrender

  • Why shame, unworthiness and even disgust can be portals to wholeness

  • The myth of “loving ourselves”; why it’s okay to forget self-love sometimes

MARCH

FINDING LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS: DEALING WITH PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN AND ILLNESS

Pain and illness are nothing to be ashamed of. They are not a sign of failure, nor a punishment. Our wounds may contain great intelligence and healing power, if we know where to look. Jeff invites us to slow down and meet the present moment with presence and curiosity, tending to our wounds and discovering their ultimate innocence.

  • Going deeper into mindfulness; Coming closer to our bodies; bringing loving awareness to physical sensations

  • Softening our resistance to pain; what is worse, the present moment, or our demand to be free from it?

  • Shifting our focus from lack to Presence; from what we’ve lost to what we have

  • Using awareness and the breath to soothe and massage tender, hurting places in the body; finding rest in the storm

  • Exploring feelings of frustration, shame, guilt, anger and fear around illness

  • Opening to the wisdom of the body; are our wounds trying to teach us something or even awaken us?

  • Exploring outdated myths around pain and illness; do we ‘attract’ bad things? Why do we suffer? Is there a way out of suffering?

FUTURE THEMES WE WILL EXPLORE…

  • BREAKDOWN AND BREAKTHROUGH: TRUSTING OUR DARKEST MOMENTS –  How can we stay present and grounded, even when our lives seem to be falling apart?
  • WORKING WITH ABANDONMENT AND LONELINESS – Dipping into our core wounds, slowly, gently, but courageously.

  • THE BEAUTY OF OUR FAILURE, IMPERFECTION, MISTAKES – How our vulnerability and awkwardness can save us.

  • RELATIONSHIP: THE MIRACLE OF BEING PRESENT WITH EACH OTHER – What it truly means to listen, and why intimacy can feel so scary.  

  • DEATH: THE GREATEST TEACHER OF ALL – Finding new perspectives on ‘the end of life’. Is it something to fear?

Wise, spacious, and loving. Teachings that can free the heart.”

– Jack Kornfield, author of A Lamp in the Darkness and A Path With Heart

What others are saying about
Jeff’s previous online courses…

{

“This is trauma-informed 'spiritual enlightenment' for a new generation, without dogma, without jargon, deeply relatable, and with a giant dose of humor and humanity. Jeff's simple philosophy of self-acceptance is a welcome balm for our aching hearts…”

{

Dearest Jeff, thank you from the bottom of my heart for having offered this online course, for guiding us, in so many ways, through your loving patience, openness, hearings, sharings, meditations, into our own built in ability to stay with our most uncomfortable emotional and physical pain…

{

The live calls felt so personal and authentic, you sharing your journey on this path-less path resonated with me deeply as I recognised myself throughout.

{

Being able to do it in the comfort of my home was a huge gift. A 2 hour talk with you was of more benefit to me than 2 years of therapy!

{

I've had a sense over these weeks listening to Jeff and settling into the deep acceptance of vulnerability in this group of a voice saying "finally" deep in my being. Finally I get to allow, embrace and validate this resting yes (that holds and includes "no") - to simply be with what's here...

{

I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for your absolutely amazing (and accessible, affordable) online class. This course definitely has changed my life, and hopefully so many others as well…

{

Thank you so much Jeff, for your guidance and your heart. I have been so moved throughout this course and gained so much awareness, impacting me every day. It is so rare to create such connection in this cyber-universe, but I am grateful to have participated.

{

This course has opened the door for me to learn how to embody unconditional love of myself, right here, right now, just as I am. Oh, and also the deep connection to the fact that I am never alone and the release I felt from truly allowing myself to be seen and held for the first time in my life.

{

You just have to face life a moment at a time. That's it. It was a huge relief to me. It shifted my way of thinking about my invasive suicidal thoughts... Being with our emotions instead of running from them...

{

The pivotal point inside for me was when you said that deep rest is not a goal, it’s who we are by nature, in our essence. I’ve been driven to productivity all my life and have focused on the forward momentum I’ve kept feeling in my body in the four years since retiring from the workplace. I knew that I was living “a short distance from my body,” (from a James Joyce character), and hearing you say what you did helped the final piece land for me. That, along with the idea of meditation as being present with whatever our life experience is in the moment, have me now, finally living in my body. I’m in such a better place to be present. Thank you from the fullness of my heart.

{

Not long into this course I sat in meditation when I realised I have been "in process" for more than a year at that point. I've struggled through this sticky, hot mess of emotions. Forcing myself to “feel better already”. I decided to be "in life" instead. It is after all what this human form calls for. That day I had such bad anxiety I thought I was going to faint, but I tapped into “the trauma” and touched something beautiful and sacred. Thank you for sharing this wisdom! Forever grateful.

– NOW OPEN  –

A Monthly Member Community with
Teachings, Talks, Meditations, & Q&A

Join author, poet and spiritual teacher Jeff Foster LIVE, in his supportive, restful, heart-felt and humour-filled monthly membership on living in deep surrender to the present moment and facing life’s pains, joys, traumas and uncertainties with courage, faith, and compassion.

Here’s What You’ll Receive as a Member

#1) Three LIVE sessions per month with Jeff

You will be joining Jeff three times a month on exclusive private LIVE webinars designed to guide you through the unfolding process of awakening and deepen your sense of self-love and inner acceptance.

We will come together to talk, to meditate, to bring loving awareness to our minds and bodies, and to deepen into an embrace of life. You’ll also be able to ask questions to Jeff, and Jeff will be able to dialogue and explore with the group and with individual participants via voice or video chat.

Week by week, you will gain a deeper sense of peace and inner acceptance, and a clearer understanding of who you truly are. Jeff’s restful meditations and insights will lead to greater love for yourself and greater compassion for others. Jeff’s sessions are unscripted, raw, honest, full of humour and personal stories. They are heartfelt, sometimes deeply moving… and always very spontaneous! The live sessions will be at least an hour in length. 

#2) Complete Audio & Video Downloads (yours to keep forever!)

Every Live session will be recorded and available in video and audio formats so you’ll be able to download and own all the content. So if you want to listen to or watch the sessions you can do so over and over! And if you miss one of the live sessions, you’ll be able to watch at your leisure.

#3) Course Transcripts

We will be automatically transcribing all of the sessions and you will be able to download these to read and review in your own time.

#4) Deep Meditations and Contemplations to support you

During the Live calls and in pre-recorded videos Jeff will share unique meditations and contemplations for you to explore in your own time, to hold the class thread in between sessions.

These contemplations will be instrumental in your progress and something you’ll be able to do on your own. Every meditation and contemplation is designed to help you deepen your acceptance of what is and bring a sense of rest and slowness into every moment of your life.

#5) Access to Jeff’s supportive private Facebook Group (not open to the public!)

Jeff’s optional private Facebook Group – only for members to ensure safety and group cohesion – will connect you with a worldwide community of like-minded people to discuss the course material, share experiences, as well as give and receive support.

Jeff will be posting exclusive content only for members.

Plus Receive These Free Bonuses…

Mindful Warrior CD

Bonus #1: A Mindful Warrior Of Presence – 12 Meditations To Bring You Home

Download or stream Jeff’s exclusive Meditation program that contains 6 hours of gentle, restful and powerful talks and meditations on rest, spiritual awakening, and processing challenging emotions, recorded LIVE at one of Jeff’s retreats. It’s yours to keep.

Bonus #2: 50-page exclusive e-book: “Contemplations for Deep Rest: Soothing Words for Difficult Times” by Jeff Foster

You will receive a special 50-page ebook – created especially by Jeff for his online students – containing a selection of his original writing. Sacred, supportive and encouraging words guiding you into a wordless place of deep rest.

Workoing with Anxiety Bonus Video

Bonus #3: Exclusive 25-minute video, “Working with Worry and Anxiety”

In this new video recorded exclusively for members, Jeff explains how anxiety is natural and normal and not our enemy… it’s just trying to keep us safe. He shows us how we can befriend our “anxious child inside”, moment by precious moment, meeting our activated minds and bodies skillfully, slowly, and lovingly, and with infinite patience.

Here’s everything you will receive as a member:

Jeff Foster Live

1) Three LIVE teaching sessions each month with Jeff

2) Complete Audio & Video Downloads of all Sessions

3) Written Transcripts

4) Deep Meditations and Contemplations to support you

5) Access to Jeff’s supportive private Facebook Group
(not open to the public!)

PLUS You’ll Receive These Bonuses:

BONUS #1:  Downloadable meditation program with 12 free meditations and talks: “A Mindful Warrior Of Presence: Meditations To Bring You Home”

BONUS #2: Free book “Contemplations for Deep Rest: Soothing Words for Difficult Times”

BONUS #3:  Free 25-minute Video “Working with Worry and Anxiety”

We invite you to join Jeff Foster Live today.

MONTHLY PAYMENT PLAN

TODAY

$97

$37

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My Personal Promise & 100% Satisfaction Guarantee

I have created this membership to be a place of refuge in our modern world. I have put my full heart and love into this program. If, however, for any reason you are not satisfied within the first two weeks of purchase, the community forum and the bonus materials, you can email support@jefffosteronline.com for a full refund, no questions asked.

Jeff Foster

About Jeff Foster

Jeff Foster studied Astrophysics at Cambridge University. In his mid-twenties, after a long period of depression and illness, he became addicted to the idea of ‘spiritual enlightenment’ and embarked on an intensive spiritual quest for the ultimate truth of existence. The spiritual search came crashing down with the clear recognition of the non-dual nature of everything, and the discovery of the extraordinary in the ordinary. In the clarity of this seeing, life became what it always was: intimate, open, loving and spontaneous, and Jeff was left with a deep understanding of the root illusion behind all human suffering, and a love of the present moment.

Jeff was voted #59 on Watkins Review’s list of the world’s 100 Most Spiritually Influential Living People. Jeff has published several books in over a dozen languages. His latest book “You Were Never Broken” was published in July 2020 by Sounds True.

Jeff’s simple, compassionate teachings on self-acceptance
have touched thousands all over the world…

“Jeff’s words melt my heart and create an Oasis where I can rest and be myself.” – SY

“Jeff’s expression in this world gives me the permission to be wonderfully messily and chaotically human. Something I never gave myself. His expression literally saved me at some point.” – RC

“I’ve ‘known’ all this stuff for years but you moved it all from my head to my heart….The nuts and bolts of being here now….Falling into the arms of life. In the last call, during the opening meditation, I felt the universe inside me and was beautifully lost in it. Truly life changing, Jeff, and I thank you. 70 years of wandering in the desert and you have guided me home.” – JS

“His words are filled with beautiful inspiration and understanding, and so many times have just touched my soul when I have most needed it.” – JB

“For me Jeff is the voice of the wild soul that truly enters all essence of being and embraces every aspect of it.” – IV

“His words help me to not spiritually bypass my humanity. Put me right there in the middle of everything that Life is.” – VH

“His words, his meditations help me to find rest in me as I am right now, to find peace on my way, to see my fear as a little child looking for my attention and my Love.” – ME

“His words stabilize, normalize, embrace and pacify those of us who feel emotion deeply and haven’t been able to understand that we are beautiful because of them.” – LS

“A conscious voice able to illuminate not only the underlying mystery of it all, but also the deep seated traumas in the human psyche. A rare light that penetrates to the darkest forgotten places at the roots of violence.”– JS

“He helps me to step out of the stories of my mind. He shows me the joy of the open heart.” – JM

“His teachings have touched the deepest place inside and the felt resonance is just so reaffirming that it is all just passing in front of a never changing presence.” – TA

“I thought I was the one that had to carry life! I didn’t trust life at all, not for one minute. I felt like it was trying to take everything from me, even to kill me. I thought I had to learn more, work harder, try harder, work faster, work longer, do more, stay one step ahead … well, you get the idea. Until I couldn’t take it anymore. Then, during meditation, you suggested the unthinkable. To just fall into the arms of life. Life, that dangerous thing I’ve been protecting myself from for decades!! Prepared to die in an instant, I just made that swan dive into the dark abyss with nothing more than the wings of a prayer, and lo and behold I was held! I am held still!” – LH

“Jeff’s teaching gave me courage to face and meet that what seems unbearable. A doorway that was forgotten, overlooked, fled from.” – DW

“Jeff puts into words what I couldn’t express and it moved me to tears. He taught me that it’s ok to be a divine mess, awkward and scared, completely vulnerable and authentic. Learning to leave the mask off and embracing beautiful, f****d-up me.” – AS

“His teachings diminish my fear and allow my own wisdom to flourish.”– MH

“Jeff was the first person to allow me accept what I couldn’t accept – that began my healing process and I will be forever grateful.” – EH

“Jeff’s words have changed my life in that I have come to understand that all of me is worthy of love” – SP

“Jeff has taught me to accept my unlovable parts and start loving the whole of me” – TN

“His teachings have helped me to become best friends with myself resulting in trust, compassion, and grace.” – DC

Frequently Asked Questions

Are the sessions live or pre-recorded?

All of the sessions will be held live and then loaded to a membership site for easy access. You will be able to download the video, audio and transcripts to watch/read/listen at your convenience.

What are the dates and times of the live sessions?

Our live calls will be held TUESDAYS at 11am USA Pacific Time.

Our Live Call Days: Jeff will broadcast LIVE on the first 3 Tuesdays of every month (unless we tell you otherwise!)

Each call will last around 60-90 minutes and will always be recorded so that you can watch the replay at your convenience if for any reason you cannot join the live session.

You can join Jeff from anywhere in the world. Check call times in your time zone using this handy tool: https://timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

How can I get support?

We are here to support you along the way with any questions you may have about accessing your membership.

For support please email: support@jefffosteronline.com 

Please always use this support email rather than posting in the Facebook group or contacting Jeff directly. We typically answer within 24 hours or sooner and we are here to make your journey as easy as possible.

I signed up but I haven't heard anything...

Sometimes our emails might end up in your junk/spam/promotions folder, so please do check there!

Is there a scholarship program?

If you are experiencing financial hardship please email support@jefffosteronline.com and we’ll see how we can help.

Note: If you are experiencing financial hardship please email the support team at support@jefffosteronline.com.

HOW I BECAME A WARRIOR

Once, I ran from fear

so fear controlled me.

Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn.

Listen to it, but not give in.

Honour it, but not worship it.

Fear could not stop me anymore.

I walked with courage into the storm.

I still have fear,

but it does not have me.

 

Once, I was ashamed of who I was.

I invited shame into my heart.

I let it burn.

It told me, “I am only trying

to protect your vulnerability”.

I thanked shame dearly,

and stepped into life anyway,

unashamed, with shame as a lover.

 

Once, I had great sadness

buried deep inside.

I invited it to come out and play.

I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry.

And I found joy right there.

Right at the core of my sorrow.

It was heartbreak that taught me how to love.

 

Once, I had anxiety.

A mind that wouldn’t stop.

Thoughts that wouldn’t be silent.

So I stopped trying to silence them.

And I dropped out of the mind,

and into the Earth.

Into the mud.

Where I was held strong

like a tree, unshakeable, safe.

 

Once, anger burned in the depths.

I called anger into the light of myself.

I felt its shocking power.

I let my heart pound and my blood boil.

Listened to it, finally.

And it screamed, “Respect yourself fiercely now!”.

“Speak your truth with passion!”.

“Say no when you mean no!”.

“Walk your path with courage!”.

“Let no one speak for you!”

Anger became an honest friend.

A truthful guide.

A beautiful wild child.

 

Once, loneliness cut deep.

I tried to distract and numb myself.

Ran to people and places and things.

Even pretended I was “happy”.

But soon I could not run anymore.

And I tumbled into the heart of loneliness.

And I died and was reborn

into an exquisite solitude and stillness.

That connected me to all things.

So I was not lonely, but alone with All Life.

My heart One with all other hearts.

 

Once, I ran from difficult feelings.

Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends,

and they all have a home in me,

and they all belong and have dignity.

I am sensitive, soft, fragile,

my arms wrapped around all my inner children.

And in my sensitivity, power.

In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence.

 

In the depths of my wounds,

in what I had named “darkness”,

I found a blazing Light

that guides me now in battle.

 

I became a warrior

when I turned towards myself.

 

And started listening.

– Jeff Foster

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